Fathers' Day

I don't know if I miss my dad. We weren't close, I'm not close to any of my family or anyone outside of it. We didn't go to the footie together, we didn't go to the pub, we wouldn't be found joking in a corner of family parties, you won't find photos of us fishing, dressed up, playing on the beach, working on the car together.

We shared very few interests, old BBC comedy like Porridge and Morecombe and Wise, is probably the only thing. He liked gardening, birdwatching and nature, football (he nearly turned professional in 1960) and having a nap (OK, perhaps that we have in common now.)

He liked my cooking, my love of the Jets, Metallica, Iron Maiden and Marillion, he appreciated my love of Sherlock Holmes, comics, sci-fi and fantasy, all things he couldn't get his head around, and I did not expect or encourage him to.

I watched him die, I saw the life leave him and while tears well up in my eyes now, I didn't cry or scream or shout. Not that I wasn't sad or distressed, I just didn't. I knew that would be the last time I would see him or hear him; pleading to the nurse to take away the pain as his skin turned a colour I cannot describe even now.

It's Father's Day and social media is full of messages and posts about dads, those present and absent, those biological and adopted in some fashion, those close connected and estranged. They say celebrate your time with your father, whether he was good or bad. I don't relate to these posts, I'm not a dad and still don't know if I miss my dad or if I ever will, especially when I see such references. I don't find it hard or depressing, I don't know what I feel. But never loss.

I might not have gained anything but I've not lost anything. I wasn't close to my father, I don't miss him everyday, like I'm supposed to, and I don't think I've lost anything. I've only gained from knowing him.

Order of Service and the Service Notes (never opened)

Madness watching madness

I'm spending this cold (and apprently snowy) Sunday evening watching a man write a blog. No, I haven't set up a mirror in front of me. (If I did I wouldn't be able to tear myself away; I'm THAT handsome.)

The lovely, angry Michael Legge is going to write his blog (http://michaelleggesblog.blogspot.co.uk/) for 24 hours for Comic Relief, and stream himself doing it as proof. He realises this will send him mad, typing in his flat through the night (and the day, but that is Michael's "job"), with only Jerk The Wonder Hound for company. Just Jerk and all of the internet, of course.

Now, Mark Watson did a 25 hour stand-up show but at least he had an audience and guests, so he had no excuse for a decent into hell.

The closest Michael's getting to human interaction is communicating via Twitter, Facebook and his phone, and watching an episode the truly terrible Mrs Brown's Boys, which he said he watch if he raised £815. Sorry, the "creators" of that show aren't human so that doesn't count.

So, I'm writing a quick blog about a man writing a blog for a day. Good luck mate. I hope you raise a stack of cash (and get some material out of it).

I might try to do another blog tomorrow when the poo is smeared on the walls and my friend in sitting there, repeating "nidnoodle".

Donate here www.michaellegge.co.uk and make his pain worthwhile.

Happy (?) New Year

Xmas is done, wrapping paper recycled, boxes played with, batteries worn out, presents we don't want exchanged, now we have ....... New Year's Eve.
The grown-ups' winter holiday where we are actively encouraged to eat, drink, drink, drink & make merry. We're also encouraged to look back on the year and the key events.
I could never figure that out; we should have learnt from those events by now and are they wiped from our memories on January 1st anyway? We can reflect any time surely?
I do prefer to look forward in general. I have a Zen out-look on life anyway; learn from the past, live in the present, embrace the future, so while I don't make plans, the future is a blank page of new experiences.
But those experiences are for tomorrow. The reason for this impromptu blog was the realisation that this time, I know more people that are staying in on New Year's Eve than are going out partying.
I am actually surprised by that; I decided yesterday I wasn't going out. I was invited to a fancy dress party at an old friend's, Janet, and her parties are always excellent, and great opportunity to meet up with good people who I don't see very often. I have all the gear for a good but simple Indiana Jones outfit (I can get away with not shaving too), but I just didn't fancy it this time.
So why is that; why are more people staying in; lack of money? fatigue? apathy?
I don't know; perhaps a combination of them all, and we're all just getting older. We're "revelled" out, we've party-hardy and now we want to spend time with family & friends just "chilling". Just a thought.
Back to my personal decision, I didn't "fancy it", that is the truth. Still clagged up with cold and filling under the weather, but that was not a factor. (Also still watching the pennies.)
That's all, no big deal, I'm not worried by it. I think I'm like a lot of you. Its nothing special any more.

A Final Thought
Its been a "tough" year for me, not working for most of it, but through that, there have been some real highs. New friends and acquaintances, all very caring and generous. So, Andy, Nic, Claire, Michael and all the others, thanks for getting me through it. You all contributed something to my year & my growth, perhaps something small & perhaps, in passing, apparently insignificant, but something valuable. At least to me.

I'm Glad We're Not Americans

Yeah, alright, I know what I said in my previous entry but that was a specific case. This a specific case against it.
Some of you know that I am a massive fan of the New York Jets American football team, and have been for more years than I care to remember. The Jets are not a great team; they've had their moments but stumble at the last. They've only been to the Super Bowl once and that was over 40 years ago; OK, they won, beating the supposedly more powerful Baltimore Colts in a game that Jets quarterback "Broadway" Joe Namath "guaranteed" they'd win. They are always seen as the poor cousins of the Giants, from whom they rented a stadium off of for home games, and in general always been seen as a second tier team.
However, I still love them to my core.
And they have been on the rise in the last few seasons. New players, new coach with new attitude means they're becoming a team to be reckoned with, and are becoming a popular team with football fans, too.

This weekend is the now annual NFL International game at Wembley stadium, when the National Football League bring two teams over to London to play a regular season game. This is a far cry from the old American Bowl pre-season games of the 1980s, when the stars would one querter of disinterested football before being withdrawn to let the third & fourth string players fight out for a couple of spots on the team.
Now it means something; its a competitive match between two teams fighting for glory. The NFL allocate game from one team's home schedule to be at Wembley & make a big event (as only they know how) of it. Stars playing for play-off position, cheerleaders, the NFL Experience roadshow, stars of yersterday, even the Commissioner, Roger Goodell, comes over to talk to other sports' federations about how the NFL is so successful & endorse the event. Its a great time for American football fans in the UK.

Until this year...

This year the Denver Broncos, with 2 wins & 5 losses, play against the San Francisco 49ers, who only have 1 win this year. Both teams are playing poorly too, so this could an awful game of football. And of course since its in the UK it'll be cold & wet too.
Both head coaches are under pressure to win (Josh Daniels of Denver has been given the dreaded "vote-of confidence"), but the teams are weak & just not very good, so I won't be watching. Oh yeah, its on TV here in the UK, both on satellite & also highlights on BBC later, so for some reason.
Sorry, I should have said, I won't be at the game either. I've never been to an NFL game in London, and I very probably won't, until the Jets come over.
I also don't want the often discussed NFL team based in London. I find that idea in the current economic climate incredible; teams will not want to loose a day's practise during the week when they fly to England, the players based here will not like living in a foreign country for over half the year & how long will support last if such a team is not successful. I'll just say London Monarchs and leave it at that.

I don't want the NFL in the UK or anywhere in Europe; its an American thing and I want that distance between me and the sport I love. We are a nation that loves proper football & rugby & cricket, and American football doesn't fit here.
One game a year is fine, it satisfies the fans and the media and the NFL's marketing machine for a while, but I hope it stays on the other side of the Atlantic where is makes sense.

We're not Americans, and I'm glad about that.

I wish we were Americans

I wish we were Americans at this time of the year. Its the start of the winter holiday season, as they would say, and they do it so much better than we in the UK do.

First, this weekend, is Halloween, one period of about 6 hours when we pretend to be frightened. Adults have fancy-dress parties, after taking their children Trick or Treating, in house that have been decorated to reflect to theme of the day. I have no problems with any of these activities; they're good harmless fun. A lot of people complain about it being an American idea. So what! That's not an exclusively bad thing and adopting such things from overseas is not such a bad idea. Those who do complain have been doing so for a couple of decades now and should really get over it.

In North America, its so much of a bigger deal and a lot more fun. I remember going to a bank in Bradenton Beach, FL & being served by a scary lady clown (not a scary lady, a scary clown) & the rest of the staff were dressed up too.
Other shops in the mall were elaborately decorated to resemble graveyards, haunted houses, mad scientists labs, etc and the workers were all clad in horror based costumes. Even the communal areas of our apartment was decorated  & the hostess was attired as Elvira for the afternoon & evening. All to celebrate things that don't really exist. (I suppose people do the same from Xmas, but that's an entirely different blog.)

However, we in the UK do them so half-arsed. Costumes look as if they've been thrown together, make-up is a bit under-whelming & the decorations are plasticy & cheap. The parties are just like all the other parties just in costume; we don't make "haunted houses" or play the Halloween games like Bobbing for Apples, Make a Mummy or Squishy Body. Children who go Trick or Treating rarely show any enthusiasm, not knowing the little song or having any decent tricks up their sleeves, they're just after some sweets or, in worse cases, money. The song does go "Give me something good to eat" after all....
(Disclaimer: I know some people DO make the effort but they are the exception to the rule.)

I think that's why I'm apathetic towards Halloween; if we did the event with the gusto & style the Americans do, I'd like it more.
So please, Britain, embrace the day, its a good mid-Autumn break just when we need a lift and put on a show. We'll all enjoy it more.

Oh, and let's have more Hammer movies on BBC2 & 4 all night.

(BTW, one week into diet, going pretty good; feeling cleansed already.)

Diet Starts Tomorrow...Seriously, It Does

I'm a big fella and that isn't going to change....much.
I'm nearly 6ft tall, but look bigger. A lot of my height is in my legs, so my torso looks big; my shoulders & chest have always looked big. I have quiet big well defined thighs.
And a fat gut!

Over the last few years, I've put on the pounds, especially while at Thales & over the last 8 months since I left, but sitting on my arse, job-searching, watching movies & surfing all day will do that to you.

So the diet starts tomorrow. No it really does. I'm not looking forward to it because I like food and I like to cook food. Diet food is normally simple to prepare &, of course, lack the stodge & fat we all like and adds the flavours we love. Boiled lettuce, poached celery & rice cakes will be the norm for the foreseeable future.

Except, of course, its not a real diet. I'm just changing what & how I eat. My first step is to get rid of temptation. So, the chocolate & snacks are gone, the bread & meat-bias is reduced, vegetables & fish content is increased. Just eating less is the main element. Of course, I'm still going to allow myself a treat every so often but I'm going to be strict outside of that. I want to get back to linebacker shape not offensive lineman. Ok, I'll never get back to that, but its the right direction.
Its the best I can do at the moment, its a start, just to shift some bulk. That and some more exercise will help.

The other thing that will help will be a buddy. I've entered into a loose agreement with Sarah Kalwarowsky (h2osarah on Twitter) to support each other to get ourselves going. Its not going to be simple but we have to give it a go, if only for our own piece of mind.

As a final point, I have no target weight, just a target body/face shape. I'm always going to look like big fella, and that's not bad thing.

(Also its been a while I posted something here. I did start a couple of reviews, one of Mitch Benn & one of Lox Quatros Cvnts, but too much has passed now, so they are gone. Well I might finish them some time & explain the Porkeye twitter name en route.)

Difficult Second Post

First off, thanks to all for the kind words now I've got started. As I said the first post was just a foundation, something to get started & build upon, and that got me thinking about how does one kick off a blog or other diary?

Those who have had on-line records for some time or up-date at least once a week, soon get into a groove and are either commenting in a professional capacity (Runway Girl, Shut Down Corner, for example) or from a personal experience point of view (Richard Herring, Michael Legge, RAFAirman), and as a result have plenty to draw upon, must have started somewhere. They either re-casted news and added opinion or used the media as advertising or self-review, so they always have something to contribute. They're also professional writers, which helps. So what have I let myself in for?

As I prepared to publish, and after asking for input from chums, I read their blogs & those of "professional" bloggers to track down their first, early efforts to get a feel & to see how they started and where I stand as a beginner. Results were variable, ranging from, as I thought, adverts for gigs, re-publishing industry news in one place perhaps with an editorial comment to full blown introductions to what they were going to be writing about. So having my fear allayed, I pressed that publish button, and, huzzah, I have an on-line vent for my spleen or platform for my opinions.

And you know what? The fear is gone. Yes I was nervous to start this; so many others blog and so much better than this will ever be, but I stopped worrying about that once it was live. I'll write what I like, when I like, and if readers don't agree, we can discuss it openly via the comment box or they can stop reading.

I do think more people should try this. Once that initial post is done, the blogshere (I do not like that phrase) is one's oyster, as the "experts" show. Let your thoughts flow freely, express your opinions, respond to others, develop a theme or focus, but at least give it a go.

You never know, you might be good, it could become a regular thing, either as a job (like Runway Girl) or turn you mad (like Herring). :)

(Some new pics added to Photostream, including my Nan on her 94th birthday.)